Con·fi·dence  – noun; defined by Merriam-Webster

• a feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something
• a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances
• the quality or state of being certain

Every now and then we can all use a healthy dose of self-confidence, especially since our state of confidence ebbs and flows on a daily basis throughout the course of a lifetime. So what variables do we face that can undermine our security causing us to feel unsure of ourselves?

Whether it’s a transitional time that we’re going through…a change in career, a divorce, or a new move, these all have the ability to challenge our confidence causing additional stress in our lives.  In fact, whenever we try something new or venture out of our comfort zone there’s a tendency to experience a sense of unease, resulting in a drop in our level of confidence.

Anytime you want to establish a solid foundation for your inner self or just need a quick boost, refer to the following action steps:

1. Let go of outcomes. The more you hold on to something with a strong need to control you actively create a mindset that is based on the fear of uncertainty, thus perpetuating a lack of confidence.  Focus more on the journey by putting your best foot forward and the rest will take care of itself.  Let the chips fall where they may!

2. Go easy on yourself when you are trying something new, whether you’re attending an event for the first time or engaging in a new physical activity.  “Act as if” by remembering a time when you felt very confident.  Access that confident memory and you will be able to create that feeling again.

3. Allow yourself to be engaged and passionate about something.  If you love cooking – go for it!  If you love rock climbing go for it!  The more you fill yourself up with what you’re passionate about you will create a sense of aliveness and inner power.

4. Be consistent, congruent and honest in how you show up in life.  It’s about being impeccable with your word.  When you demonstrate these qualities you can be assured of an inner core that is unshakable.

5. Be committed to yourself first, before you commit to another.  Remember those times that you abandoned and compromised yourself causing your confidence and self-esteem to erode over time?  Make a conscious decision to always honor yourself and this will lead you to a level of trust and self-empowerment that will keep you grounded no matter what happens.

6. Learn and master a particular skill and watch your self-esteem get bolstered.

7. Walk this way…yes, your gait and physical body have everything to do with confidence.  Stand erect with good posture and walk with a spring in your step, and watch your confidence soar.

8. Speak the right words. Choose your words wisely by using those that are energizing and positive. Complain less, and love more.

9. Eat right – a healthy diet will support your body from the inside out.

10. Last but not least…place a call to your “good” mom. You know, that person in your life that always supports you no matter what. Let them validate you, and make you feel special by reminding you of all your positive qualities.  It’s that unconditional love that makes us feel good.

Remember the saying…”Less is more”? I’ve always loved that concept, so I decided to read an interesting book, entitled “Simple” by Alan Siegel and Irene Etzkorn. Just as the title suggests, the book highlights an important message to be shared because it has the ability to create a beneficial paradigm shift to anyone that is open to it. The core theme of the book focuses on how our nation has become conditioned to value complexity over simplicity. In fact, this idea is so engrained in us that we’ve built our lives and our businesses on this very premise. But is this working for you? I know many of us who are overwhelmed by the numerous choices and options in our day-to-day lives. And what adds to this confusion are the many devices that bombard us with information keeping us connected 24/7.

Siegel and Etzkorn go on to discuss various industries and subject matter that would greatly improve if they were streamlined and to the point. They also elaborate on the amount of money and lives that would be saved in the process, especially in the medical field. We’re not talking about dumbing down here, but rather zeroing in on what’s most important. To accomplish this, the authors suggest using the following formula as an organizational model:  Simplicity = Empathize (need of other) + Distill (boil down & customize) + Clarify (easy to use). The need here is to definitely simplify – on many levels!

Everything can benefit when you keep it simple! Think about the following areas that you can address:

Relationships (Business & Personal) – How well are you communicating in your relationships?  Are you connecting with prospective clients and are you retaining the clients that you have?  If you want to connect to people don’t zigzag…instead get there by the shortest distance.

It’s important to understand the circumstances and the needs of others. How well do you practice that? Speak the language of your customer instead of industry jargon to better communicate with them. How often do we over explain our position? Just make your point clearly and move on since there’s really no need to re-iterate more than once. When addressing clients, it’s more important to make those individuals your focus rather than speaking too much about yourself and your accomplishments. The key is talking with them, not at them. Think about your business offerings…do you offer too much?  Having too many options can often confuse customers to the point that they move on and you lose the sale. Evaluate your need to over-provide! Proceed then to make the necessary changes to include what you consider to be the essentials of your company.

Most people would rather not deal with lots of paperwork, and yet in business we typically assume that we need to deliver a certain amount. Whether the reason stems from the desire to appear competent, fear of lawsuit, or the need to provide assessments and lengthy technical data, it creates less time for interaction with the very people it was designed for. And when technical material must be provided, make it more user friendly through easier language and a concise summary. Be honest…wouldn’t it be nice to read informational booklets that are less than an inch thick? Let’s face it…we require a certain amount of this paperwork, but just apply it in moderation so that we can focus on the most important part of our business – the customer.

Health & Fitness – When it comes to your diet, do you find yourself spending too much time calculating things out?  As we focus more on health this seems to be the typical approach, which can become way too elaborate. Did you get enough protein?  How many carbs and fats do you want in one day? Did you drink enough water? How many servings of fruits and vegetables did you have?  Did you meet your daily calcium requirements?  Ok, so if you’re starting to get a headache right about now it might be time to revise your system in order to make it easier to follow on a daily basis.

In terms of working out, do you feel that it’s challenging to get started? It doesn’t have to be that hard. When it comes to exercise, most people cite that they can’t motivate themselves or that they don’t know where to begin. We often have an all or nothing approach to fitness. Simplify by starting with small steps. Scale down an overly complicated routine that feels too work-oriented in favor of something that’s easy and fun. Just do something!

Ok, I think I’ve made my point!

How well do you listen to your instincts? Why didn’t you trust your intuition?  I’m sure you’ve been asked that after you have made a decision and realized that it wasn’t the best for you in the end. So do you or don’t you follow your instincts, and if you don’t, why not?

The best decision makers – the small percentage of top successful people are those that are making big life changing decisions based primarily on their instincts, not their logic.  But how do the rest of us trust our instincts enough to make successful decisions especially if we lack proven experience?  In fact, we can be so focused on avoiding mistakes that we inhibit our ability to choose out of fear of making the wrong decision, and in the process create a level of angst and worry that takes us out of the present moment.  We may even become a prisoner of our own thoughts by dwelling on pressing issues causing a lack of action in our lives.

To evaluate a situation we are faced with either listing out our logical reasons or listening quietly to that soft inner voice deep in our soul that knows what’s best for us.  However, we don’t always listen because we can’t fully understand or prove the accuracy of the message.  We often get so focused in our heads that we disengage from the connection of what feels right at the gut level.  This usually occurs because we are so intent on achieving a particular outcome that we choose to control the situation and quiet our inner knowing.  This inner knowing is God within us or Universal truth.  To be in the flow is to allow our decisions to happen from this place of love and faith trusting that this in our best interest.  Making decisions from our heart and soul with wisdom guarantees success.

Unfortunately, we often fail to use our intuition in this way because this process doesn’t come naturally. Since we never learned how to listen to our instincts effectively, it can be challenging to reach the best conclusion or outcome in a given situation. Therefore, when using this method we must first learn how to work with our intuition by applying it to smaller issues before practicing on the major decisions.

To work with your instincts let’s try an exercise, and chart the process.  Start off small and make a list with  5 easy choices that could be made.  Pick the first issue that you want to work with including when you plan to take the time to practice this method.  When you are ready to begin, calmly focus on your solution and see what feels right in your gut.  Define the moment including very specific details that describe your emotional and physical state as well as your external environment when reaching your decision.

Things to think about…

What were you feeling at the time?  Did you have your eyes open or closed?  Where did you get the feeling or answer in your body?  Before doing this process, did you have a massage, a meditation/prayer, a bath, a workout or maybe a glass of wine?  Did you happen to talk with a close friend, family member or professional earlier that day?  Were you relaxed?  Did you have an empty or full stomach?  Track your results.  How successful was the outcome of your decision on a scale of 1-10?  Then proceed to do this same exercise with the remaining 4 choices while assigning a final number to each based on the level of success.

Once you have success making these small decisions over time, then you can use this same system to conclude the more life-changing decisions that you may face.